Teh Mighty Douche Returneth

TehMightyDouche; Bring Out The Douche In You!

Thu, 08 May 2008 21:44:07 +0200

“Is that fat on my arm? Oh wait, it’s just my bicep” - TMD, Summer 2006.

So, good evening once more loyal Friends of the Douche. Tonight I bring you a tale of grandiose victory on a very, very big scale. I beat someone at a strength contest the other day, and just thought you should hear about it.
So, there I was, seated on the bench with a 10 pounder in my hand curling away and getting hench (cos curls are the best exercise, if you position yourself right you can hit the chest, shoulders, traps and even calves). Everyone was crowded around cheering me on, which is ironic cos I’m much bigger and stronger than them and I was grunting and sweating like a little girly bitch, but one with 11.5 inch arms and a kickass crazy afro which doesn’t look queer in the slightest, so **** off. Yeah, I was halfway through my thirtieth set of 500 reps when some fatarse came up to me and called me "A little puny wang-trollop" so I said "Oh yeah you and whose army" and the crowd cheered and the fatarse said "This army" and then he said "Ha! I was using a self-contained paradox" and I said "I know, I got a B in English even though my teacher thinks I’m an annoying little shit, but I beat her up for thinking so cos I can read thoughts" and that did 10 damage and caused paralysis so I used a pokeball to capture his essence.

Then I walked him over to the deadlifting machine and used all the plates in the gym which is 3 10s and a couple of 2s, and he was so amazed that he didn’t even try to match it, he just laughed in fear and walked off shaking his head with a smile of disappointment and frustration. He said "Mate, you’re a joke", by which he meant my strength was so immense that it made people laugh, and that made me really happy and I went home and told my dad who’s the president of the IRA and ANA (anti-**s anonymous) and he said "Well done son, I love you, or at least I would but that would make me a homosexual" and we both laughed cos he was using pentatonic alliteration.

So the moral of the story is, don’t mess with me cos I’m really strong and stuff.

Douche out

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I douche, do you?

Thu, 08 May 2008 21:03:00 +0200

My brother is in the amazon jungle discovering new species - TMD September 2005

Bonday it's me the douchest of all I am back from hospital after I cut my huge forearm in a fight to the death with a wild boar in America. Luckily for him I was in a good mood and finished him quickly with my flickblade. My brother also killed a boar and some niggers, god I hate niggers just like in that film American History X. Of course I like the niggers who I've met in real life and have talked to but other than that I loathe them, just like I loathe salad.
Anyway back to the main topic I wished to discuss, which is the fact that everyone is happy about the end of school, well I'm FUCKING NOT! school is great, for two reasons; one I'm awesome at every subject and secondly it means people have to interact with me, not that they wouldn't normally just at school they have to. During the summer I may not see my school friends and ergo not be able to hang around on the edge of conversations and not get invited to satanic death raves and the like. Which is stupid as I'm the most satanic person ever, I even draw on cuts on my huge arms to pretend i've been cutting myself for satan who though is awesome, doesn't exist neither does God. I'm very spiritual and believe in many things but not God or the Devil, I've seen to much violence on the streets of my home town of shenfield to believe, I try to believe but all the drugs and violence in my Borough test my faith to the point of snapping.
My Brother is a devoted Roman Methodist Protenstant and follows the teachings of Buddha, or some shit like that, I don't really pay attention cause I'm normally fucking high, I like to smoke weed and drink then beat people up, which is one of the reasons I don't believe in God, as he lets bad sons of bitches like myself roam the streets pimping and partying. The reason I'm on the streets or at a skate park isn't 'cause I'm not invited to house parties it's just I always sleep with all the women there... well last time I thought I saw my girlfriend so tried to have sex with her but it turned out to be a washing machine, the same thing happened in comet... so i'm now banned from the centre of town.

Well until next time doucheheads.

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It's the second coming of the douche!

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:35:34 +0100

Finally the Douche has returned after a recent possible raid by the police!

'I Have ten monitors lined up so I can hack shit when at home' TMD March 2006

Hurrazh for you, for the douche has returned to grace you idiots with his giagantic presence, and I mean literally. I am going to use this first blog to introduce you all to the second coming of god: ME! I am TehMightyDouche or TMD to my friends (most people call TMD for I have s many friends as you have blood vessels, which is like 20, trust me I'm proper well good at biology(and at everything in fact)) I'm not only disgustingly intelligent but I'm also proper strong, in fact I'm so proper strong that it can't be even complated by mere no douches. I, despite not having a bar or access to a gym, can deadlift about 18 20 plates which is almost 2 tonnes, I would do more but the bar can't fit anymore on.
The reason I'm so great is most likely because of my genetics. My parents are both amazing, my dad when he isn't in drag and insists I call him 'auntie anal' is a proffessor at all the universites in England and a chief member of the IRA, the only it dispanded is because he moved to England. My Mum is also very strong, some people think it's fat but then if that were true then surely I would be fat!
So in conclusion I'm tehmightydouche, fear my power or I'm grind your bones into a subsitute flour, I'm also very slim!

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