“Is that fat on my arm? Oh wait, it’s just my bicep” - TMD, Summer 2006.

So, good evening once more loyal Friends of the Douche. Tonight I bring you a tale of grandiose victory on a very, very big scale. I beat someone at a strength contest the other day, and just thought you should hear about it.
So, there I was, seated on the bench with a 10 pounder in my hand curling away and getting hench (cos curls are the best exercise, if you position yourself right you can hit the chest, shoulders, traps and even calves). Everyone was crowded around cheering me on, which is ironic cos I’m much bigger and stronger than them and I was grunting and sweating like a little girly bitch, but one with 11.5 inch arms and a kickass crazy afro which doesn’t look queer in the slightest, so **** off. Yeah, I was halfway through my thirtieth set of 500 reps when some fatarse came up to me and called me "A little puny wang-trollop" so I said "Oh yeah you and whose army" and the crowd cheered and the fatarse said "This army" and then he said "Ha! I was using a self-contained paradox" and I said "I know, I got a B in English even though my teacher thinks I’m an annoying little shit, but I beat her up for thinking so cos I can read thoughts" and that did 10 damage and caused paralysis so I used a pokeball to capture his essence.

Then I walked him over to the deadlifting machine and used all the plates in the gym which is 3 10s and a couple of 2s, and he was so amazed that he didn’t even try to match it, he just laughed in fear and walked off shaking his head with a smile of disappointment and frustration. He said "Mate, you’re a joke", by which he meant my strength was so immense that it made people laugh, and that made me really happy and I went home and told my dad who’s the president of the IRA and ANA (anti-**s anonymous) and he said "Well done son, I love you, or at least I would but that would make me a homosexual" and we both laughed cos he was using pentatonic alliteration.

So the moral of the story is, don’t mess with me cos I’m really strong and stuff.

Douche out